Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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