White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
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forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
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Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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