I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
