i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
