You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
