I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
