I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
