Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
