just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
