They should really pass out barf bags in church
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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