Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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