at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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