last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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