dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Can vaginas get frostbite?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
