I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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