'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
