McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
