May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
