I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
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