im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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