There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
