Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Where is the hickey?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
