this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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