How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
