We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We just shotgunned beers for America
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
