I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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