He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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