I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
