i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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