i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
