That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
