I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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