he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
