This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
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