if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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