You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize