Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
