Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
false alarm, still single
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
