I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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