Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize