Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
