Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
