He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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