You just made me feel so damn special
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
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It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
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Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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