Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
