This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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