You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Say something about gay babies.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
