Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
