I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
