If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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