Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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