I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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