I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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