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we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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