You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
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