If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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