here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
