I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
