I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think my fart just growled at me.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
