Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
