so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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