I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
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He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
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Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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