You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
