Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
