I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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