She is in my trunk
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
