I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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