i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
