I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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