Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Terrible idea I love it
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
