How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Randomize
