I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
