I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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